The Middle Way: Existing Between Two Worlds

Credits to Jacob for the amazing title.

I’ve been struggling to write this for a very long time. A part of me keeps thinking that I need 5 sets of research, a few pie charts, and maybe quotations from notable individuals to post this. However, I recently read that emotions are data, so we will roll without the above (because otherwise, I might never actually get around to posting this.)

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When I think of a world, it isn’t just an opinion expressed through one person’s voice. It is a series of experiences, conversations, and interactions compiled into anecdata. That is precisely why it has been so hard to convey this struggle - because it isn’t only my story to tell. So this post will proceed with a compilation of memories, a collection of core moments that have compelled me to create this post.

MEMORY 1 

I facilitate the Effective Altruism (EA) introductory virtual programs. This memory comes from one of the most diverse groups I’ve had, with participants from the US, Europe, Asia, and Africa. Notably, the two from the US and UK were group leaders and seemed highly engaged.

We were discussing the importance of addressing existential risks and longtermist causes over ‘band-aid interventions’ such as malaria nets. The UK and US participants were really passionate about this, and I enjoyed listening to their arguments for x-risk/longtermism. 

“Actually, I think malaria nets can really help the people in my community. It is still a terrible problem here, and I think it could be very impactful.”

My heart sank when I heard the Asian participant mention this midway through the session. It continued to sink when I later had a 1-1 with the African participant. She mentioned being too afraid to participate in the discussions because ‘EA in Africa is still very underdeveloped,’ and she felt too stupid to participate. 

After typing the above paragraph, my immediate reaction was to make a strong disclaimer that I believe longtermism and existential risks are extremely important to work on. It is crucial for people to look beyond their immediate communities and expand their compassion circle. I know that global health and development as a cause area continues to receive a large portion of funding and talent, so it isn’t that EA is completely ignoring the cause area.

However, my heart still breaks for those from less well-off communities. Friends who have cried because they’re now having to make some kind of tradeoff between the suffering of their kin and cause areas that have a really high impact. My heart breaks even more because these same people are scared to share these thoughts. Most of us know it is okay to be EA and care about non-EA things, but why isn’t this message passed on to those who need it most?

I try to be empathetic, but the reality is that I’m from Singapore, and my country is highly-developed. I don’t see a local charity collapsing because they are short on manpower. I don’t see homelessness on the street or families living in poor housing. I can make these trade-offs and not see any immediate effects on the people or environment around me. We’re not all the same.

MEMORY 2

This happened when the Century Fellowship was first announced. I was amazed by how much money it was offering. I was new to EA then and voiced this surprise out loud to a friend. He worked through his calculations of why a highly impactful longtermist is worth the base fellowship funding of $100,000 and why he thinks I should apply.

What stood out to me most was that this puts a fellow’s estimated salary at around ~11,000 SGD, which is ~10x more than my dad’s salary. This means a longtermist is valued more than 10x the worth of my parents and every other minimum wage worker in Singapore. (Minimum take-home salary was around ~960 SGD pre-tax.) This suggests that the difference could be up to ~285x more.

I still struggle heavily to make sense of it. Here are my quick thoughts:

1. My parents, and many others like them worldwide, should be paid more.

2. Much more work has been done for much less than is produced in EA.

3. We should reward good work and care about the well-being of hardworking people.

4. Getting the average pay in EA could potentially eradicate every financial stressor my family has ever had.

5. Many people, like my parents, are not working on impactful causes because of circumstances out of their control.

6. Am I worth 10x more than my parents if I work in longtermist cause areas?

In my head, it looked like a trolley problem with a longtermist on one end and 10 low-income individuals on the other. Rationally, I know that points 1 and 3 should be my main takeaways, and we shouldn’t underpay hard-working people because others are surviving on much less. 

I tried to talk through this with a friend of mine. I was excited to share the fantastic compensation and benefits in EA organizations/events with her. (Yay, nap rooms and free lunches!) Her response was, ‘I’m happy for you! However, good luck ever adjusting back to a Singaporean company. You’re never going to get this here.’

I didn’t think much of these two conversations at the time. However, I realized that whenever I receive funds or work from EA, there is a deep sense of guilt. Guilt from seeing people who are much more talented, compassionate, and deserving not accessing these opportunities due to luck or circumstances of birth. Guilt from donating my 10% when my family lives in relative poverty. Guilt from knowing that by pursuing what matters to me, I am contributing to an ever-growing chasm between myself and my friends and family. 

MEMORY 3

This happened at the People of Colour meetup at a European conference. An attendee from India asked, “Why is it always us flying in from so far away? Do the flights only go one way?” I struggled to answer. (Current me would point out that EAGxIndia happened, but I was lost for words back then.)

When we started promotions for EAGxSingapore, I spoke to many highly engaged EAs, and so many said, ‘it is too far,’ or ‘we don’t want our employees to be jetlagged,’ or ‘what is the value of me going?’ Later, many experienced EAs who did apply or register eventually did not even turn up. 

I was conflicted and heartbroken about this for a very long time because it is true. Most engaged EAs who are not speakers would not get much value from attending or speaking to these new EAs. It is tiring flying for more than 10 hours just to participate in a conference. It is really far to travel to meet EAs when you already have a community right at your doorstep.

Someone later told me that interventions could be too neglected, and it might very well be possible that some countries aren’t worth community building or investing resources. I haven’t reconciled with this because the emotions still feel too raw.

On the one hand, it is possible for someone from outside the hubs to succeed or for a new community to flourish. The Indian and Latin American communities give me so much hope. Many remarkable people have chosen to invest in me and others worldwide.

On the other hand, it is so hard. Now that the funding landscape has changed, it will be much more challenging. After all, the cost of attending a 3-day EAG can easily be a Singaporean’s 1-2 months' wages, even more for other countries. What are the chances that these people will receive opportunities, having never met experienced EAs that can vouch for them or give them feedback?

I feel a strong tension between my emotional response toward creating equity in opportunities and the logical calculation of an individual’s expected value they can obtain. I find it hard to reconcile this, especially as I also start to weigh the best uses of my time. 

One solution I’ve personally found and wish more people would do, is to act more with the metric of ‘how much value can I give?’ If I personally gain no value from mentoring or contracting someone, but I can create a platform for them to grow exponentially - isn’t that still a wonderful use of my time? Isn’t this shift in mindset more indicative of altruism than asking ‘what value is there for me?’

We are in triage every second of every day, and it is important for us to move fast. But altruism is also a marathon and not a sprint; perhaps it is just as important to slow down and create sustainable structures for equity and diversity.

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And cut! If this post was a movie, I do not want it to come off in a ‘woe is me’ manner, nor do I want to come off as criticizing the EA community as not doing enough or not prioritizing diversity. I consider myself very lucky and well-supported by the EA community despite being a minority in many ways.

Instead, I wrote this post because participation in EA is constantly measured by attending an event, working on impactful cause areas, or applying for/receiving funding for a project. It is what we commonly advise newer EAs to do to be more highly engaged.

However, the sacrifices to attend an EAG two streets down from your home base are very different from flying across the world to a country that is entirely unlike yours. The confidence and courage needed to apply for the same amount of funding can change drastically when it is an amount that your combined family can only dream of having. The dedication and mental tenacity needed to uproot yourself and work on the most pressing causes when the sacrifices made are staring you in the face is so much more admirable. We are checking the same boxes on an application, but the milestones are so different.

I didn’t come into EA knowing all this. I made so many mistakes when I started community building. Because I’m an EA born in more affluent times, my EA experience was so smooth sailing that I didn’t realize how hard it was to be highly engaged. My advice in 1-1s reflected that privilege. 

However, as I’m struggling to figure out my next steps in EA, I know more now. Things like what it means when the only event you can attend or network at is the one you plan. How it feels to weigh emptying your savings account to go for EAG London. How tiring it is to go through stress and nervousness from the competitiveness of EA hiring rounds. I threw out the advice easily then because words are really cheap. 

That are many things that experienced EAs take for granted. Having the connections to be aware of opportunities, the confidence that we’ll be accepted for an event, the assurance that someone will respond to your request for feedback, and even knowing how to fill in the travel grant claim form. So many things have become second nature, but it can be really hard and stressful for someone new.

Now, whenever I meet someone newer, I try to be the EA I would have wanted to meet when I was new to the community. I’m not saying we should spoon-feed proto-EAs, but rather, remember our struggles when we first found EA. At the end of the day, my words are cheap. It costs me nothing to be kinder, more patient, and more compassionate when talking to someone new. It can make so much of a difference.

Especially when that someone is making the leap of faith to walk between two worlds.